Since the tree incident, I have become very close to Justin. We were not boyfriend and girlfriend nor did I want to think of us in that light but we were closer to each other more than ordinary friends. We never kissed not even a chaste peck on the cheek but my hand would always find his and vise versa with no awkwardness, as if it was the normal thing to do. We spent lots of time together as we used to but Pedro rarely came to join us.

I have not told my friends about him yet. I was savoring my time with him before one of my friends wins his affections. And the more I spent time with him, the more I was eager to meet him the next day. I had no idea what boys and girls talked about. So, I just let myself talk about everything and as I went on he was not bored. In fact, I found out that we had lots of things in common.

As a way to silence my conscience, I began telling him about my friends, to, sort of, prepare him. I told him how great they were, how smart and witty, how talented and how beautiful they looked.

-“ Friends as yours are very rare these days.” He noted.

-“ Yes, they are. I had no friends in my teens that I began to think that something must be very wrong with me. Then, there they were at college. Such special girls! From the first day I saw them, I knew that I wanted to be their friend.” I smiled remembering the way Bessie talked the first time I saw her. “ Bessie had such a style in speaking. You’ll want to listen to her forever. From the first moment she opened her mouth I knew I liked her. And there were Nancy and Rebecca. When I first saw them I thought that they were childhood friends but I later discovered that they just hit it off like Bessie and me. Nancy has an extraordinary polite nature and beautiful hand writing a and Rebecca can draw so skillfully and you should hear her talk, as if before saying anything she’d think it a thousand times or more so she wont offend anyone. Amy was next. I can’t even describe her humorous and lively nature. You saw her.” He nodded and I continued. “ Maria now is the spirit, the protector of all lost causes. I believe she will have a great future. Wait and see. Then there was Jenny, simple Jenny, and smart Jenny. I never thought that people like her existed.” I finished my insufficient praise of my friends with a laugh. “You must think that I’m exaggerating.”

-“ No.” he smiled back. “So they weren’t a group before?” he asked.

-“ We did not sit together as we do now but we knew each other. When Bessie and me became friends I didn’t know if she’d like Nancy and Rebecca ‘cause they were so quiet and Bessie was so energetic. However, they got along quite nicely. Amy came to us after that. She carried about a different energy than Bessie. Bessie is like one of those single mothers rushing about to do things while Amy is full of unfocused youthful liveliness. I must admit I took a little time to understand her. Maria sat with us but not frequently until her best friend got married and dropped out. Jenny was, I don’t know. She was always there and wasn’t in the same time. I can’t remember when she joined us as a regular member. I think it’s something that grows on to you. Like some seed that grows slowly until one day you’re surprised to find that it not only grew but also had some of the most beautiful exotic flowers. That doesn’t mean I love them any less. I love them all in a different way.” I don’t know why I always seem to blabber but he never complained and was actually interested.

-“ You’re lucky to have good friends like those.” He looked away with a weird look in his eyes.

-“ Don’t tell me you don’t have best friends? Come on, guys make friends easier than girls.” I was worried at how he looked away from me.

-“ I had close friends.” He said flatly and I sensed more.

-“ What happened to them?” I asked almost in a whisper. He didn’t answer. I moved to position my self in front of him. He looked away and I fallowed smiling. He finally sighed.

-“ We fought over a girl. He thought that she cheated him with me.” He answered.

-“ Why did he think that?” I did not want to ask directly if he did it or not.

-“ She told him that she was going out with one of his friends.” He said in a low voice.

-“ But why you?” I replied with the same soft tone.

-“ I guess she told him something to make him suspect me.” He shrugged.

-“ But did you?” I could not hold on the question longer.

-“NO!” he nearly screamed. “ I told him that I was his friend and would not do anything like that but he did not believe me! I was his friend, he should have trusted me!” he fired. I blinked understanding that he never told anyone about this and that he kept it to himself all that time. “I did not betray him!” the way he looked at me told me that he expected me to doubt him like his friend did or more closely he did not see me; He saw his friend.

-“ I know.” I took his hand in mine and looked him in the eye. “ I believe you. She is a bitch.” I never used such words in front of him before but it was what I can describe such a woman. He looked at me stunned for a moment then laughed a very hard laugh and pulled me to him.

-“ That she is! That she is!” he loosened his grip over me and I had an inner conflict. I wanted to stay where I was but I also did not want to admit that to myself. Reluctantly, I extracted my self from his embrace.

We were sitting in his front yard where we can see but not seen do to a row of bushes and small trees. I know it sounds very childish like a tree house but what we did was childish, too. Hiding to talk, who ever did that? When I am with him, I knew that I closed the big bad world behind me. I look in his eyes and I know that he likes me. Seeing him smiling meant that I made him happy and not that he was merely being polite.

What I felt for him was like I felt towards Bessie and the rest of the gang. This was not love, I told my self. I was snapped out of my thoughts by a car parking in front of my house.

-“ Who is that? Are you expecting someone?” Justin asked. As I began to shake my head, a familiar figure stepped out of the car, Sara. From the other door came a man and carried a suitcase and left it at the doorsteps then turned and kissed Sara a rather passionate kiss. Sure, my sister had boyfriends before but I never SAW her kiss any of them.

-“ You know them?” he asked watching my opened mouth in middle speech.

-“ I … t-that was my sister.” I finally managed.

-“ Was?” he mocked.

-“ I don’t know that woman. She was once my sister, though.” I puzzled over the two lovebirds in front of us.

-“ Don’t be so harsh. It’s only a kiss.” He tried to comfort me.

-“ I’d like to see your face when you see Abby kissing someone!” I hissed back at him. When I looked back, the man left my sister and was driving away.

-“ I should go.” I started walking towards my home.

-“ Here comes the welcoming committee.” He joked and I ignored him.

After waiting for all the fuss about her unexpected visit, we all sat down. Even Sid graced us with his presence. I only wished that he graced us with his silence as well.

-“ So you are an independent women, huh?” he asked the relaxed Sara.

-“ Yes, I am. I have worked hard to gain this.” She discretely hinted to Sid’s low grades but alas Sid did not get the low grades for nothing. And thus, did not get her hint.

-“ When will you marry then?” it was an innocent vulgar question of him - Sid thinks that all women are created for marriage and Sara was an old maid for him. Thus, his attitude towards me. Sara, on the other hand, thought that I had betrayed her trust. And gave me looks that could kill. I shook my head to deny it but she looked away and stood up so she can look at all of us.

-“ Yes, I was getting to that part. Umm… Mom, dad I … I got engaged.” Her face was so flushed.

-“ WHAT!!!!!” My dad shouted.

-“ You’re WHAAAT?” My mom retorted with surprise.

-“ COOL!” Sabrina interjected.

-“ About time. Can I have your room?” Sid said flatly while I moaned at her impulsiveness. Sara looked stunned at their reaction then looked at me and I shrugged my shoulders. After all, it was HER fault. I kept my end of the promise thoroughly; she did not trust me. Her eyes widened as she finally realized what happened. Then, sighed.

-“ Can I see your ring?” Sabrina asked enthusiastically and Sara showed off her beautiful golden ring.

“ Do we know him? What’s his name? What does he do…” and such questions rained on her.

-“ G’moring.” I greeted Sara. This was my first chance to talk to her alone since yesterday. She looked at me from her coffee.

-“ Morning.” I sat at the table in front of her and looked at her breakfast. You can sense that everything was measured.

-“ Was yesterday awful?” I started in a sympathetic tone.

-“ Umm … but Roby said that I should tell them before we got married. So, I was going to tell them any way. Roby is coming to see them tomorrow.” She concluded.

-“ Was he the one who drove you here?” I questioned for at night I did not get a good look at him but from what I saw, he was not what I expected.

-“ Yes.” She simply answered and nibbled on her bread.

-“ I thought he was fat.” I observed.

-“ Yes, he was but… how…?” she stopped, as she finally understood that I saw them. Her face went beet red. I smirked at her.

-“ So, he lost his weight to prove him self worthy of you.” I snickered remembering her saying that she will never marry a fat man. “ And can I assume that he went to a certain Nutrition specialist to attempt that task?” oh, man. I love my moment of victory.

-“ He had to seek advice from someone…” she tried to escape the subject by biting more fiercely at her bread.

-“ He must’ve had it bad.” I looked at her.

-“ Have what bad?” she sounded worried.

-“ Love.” I teased her.

-“ Oh…” speechless! She was speechless for the first time in her life.

-“ I’ll leave before you turn into a tomato.” I walked a way dodging a napkin she threw at me. I left the bride to be and went to dress for college. Today they were releasing the results.

-“ I can’t look! Maria read it for me.” I begged her to do the honor of reading the fruit of my long nights. Sure, I was good with mid-term tests but something weird happens in the finals and I usually have much less grades than what I expected.

-“ Ok let me read it.” I passed her the envelope to her. “ Why can’t they just send those envelops to our houses? It will sure save me the trouble of using my magic to make you pass…” she joked as she fumbled with the envelope but she suddenly stopped talking while she turned a little pale. I gasped.

-“ What is it? I knew it! That professor hates my guts. Well, I ought to…” I stopped for the tragedy downed on me and left me helpless. Bessie came to see what’s the fuss about, looked at the paper then looked at Maria and finally looked at me with a sad look on her face. I couldn’t stand this. I wont have them pity me.

-“ What’s going on?” Nancy made her way to join us.

-“ I …” I couldn’t complete. She snatched the paper from Maria and read it twice with a puzzled face. I knew that she was disappointed in me. I felt the shame take over me, urging me to dig a whole in the ground to live the rest of my life as a worthless worm.

-“ Suzie, don’t take it so hard.” She tried to comfort me. “You got better grades than me. Look at the bright side.” It amazed me how well she dealt with failing the whole year.

-“ You flunk, too?” I questioned her.

-“ Goodness, no…” she turned to Maria and Bessie. “What the hell did you tell her!” she yelled at them.

-“ Nothing.” Bessie and Maria replied in unison. My eyes opened widely. True, they did NOT say ANYTHING.

-“ You mean I …” I finally understood that they were pulling my leg. “Why, YOU!!!!!!!!!” I shouted at them but inside I felt heavenly. I passed. Whew!

-“ Sorry, Suzie. I couldn’t help it!” Maria giggled.

-“ You almost gave me a heart attack!” I showed off my very audible voice.

-“ She was as pale as ghost! Have you any idea how it felt!” Nancy cut in to give them a piece of her mind while I nodded at every single word she said. How nice to have people fighting for you! “And you Bessie! I thought I’d never see the day you’d hurt Suzie! Shame on you… etc.” she continued lecturing while the two girls felt horrible. I stepped aside to give Nancy a full view of the guilty party.

-“ What happened?” Rebecca wondered in a whisper to me.

-“ A show of affection. Don’t worry.” I answered in a smile when a hand caught my ear.

-“ …That goes for you, too!” Nancy added. “Next time you will face your problems on your own. When will I ever teach you guys!” I looked at the two girls with reddening ears and suppressed a laugh.

-“ Hey! Easy on the ear thing. I’m the victim. Remember?” I begged. I must have been a sight! I was the tallest, biggest member of the gang and yet a measly girl was pulling my ear while I begged. She released me as Jenny and Amy came to us with broad smiles.

-“ Hey guys! Guess what!” Amy started and I rubbed my throbbing ear. We all looked at Jenny and her smiley face and we knew.

-“ Jenny passed in first place… again.” We answered in an overly bored tone.

-“ How did you know? ” Jenny asked surprised.

-“ Dear, you always come in first place… I wonder how come you are surprised every time.” I answered her still caressing my ear. That Nancy has quite a grip! But strangely, it felt nice.

-“ Why do all of you have red ears?” Amy wondered at the three of us and we kept quiet.

-“ A show of affection, as I belief.” Rebecca finally answered and the five of us burst out laughing while Jenny and Amy wore a confused face.

I had a solemn face as I approached a tensed Justin. I stood beside him but looked at the street, escaping his eyes.

-“ Hi.” I greeted him.

-“ Hi. Como esta usted?”  Are you all right? He asked in Spanish.

-“ Sí. How was your result?”

-“ Ok. I still have one term left.” He answered. “How was your result?”

-“ You know, I can feel autumn in the air.” I ignored his question and looked away to hide a smile.

-“ Suzie!” he was impatient.

-“ Sid would never end teasing me if he heard that I failed.” I lowered my voice. I should consider an acting career.

-“ I’m sorry to hear that…” he fell into silence. “It’s my fault. I shouldn’t have taken so much of your time…” I stopped him.

-“ If I was wasting my time with you then it was my choice. If I didn’t want to sit with you I’d leave you right away. I have done that before you know.”

-“ You flunk before?” he was puzzled. And why not? I looked exactly like bookworm. I smiled.

-“ No I left someone before when I did not like what he was doing. And, boy, was he surprised.” I remembered the memory that I never shared with anyone before not even Bessie. I looked at him and saw his troubled face. I patted his arm.

-“ Relax. I passed.” I giggled but he looked doubtful. “Aw come on! You’d think that I, Suze of El Macho, would fail?” I smugly tipped my nose to the sky and he broke into laughter.

-“ Suze of El Macho? Who gave you that name?” he asked.

-“ Bessie. She thinks I’m brave.” I smiled back at him.

-“ Brave enough to leave some one you didn’t like.” He teased.

-“ Actually, I’m not brave. I’m the most terrified person you ever saw. Everything scares me. I’m even afraid to sleep in the dark!” I retorted.

-“ So how come you were able to leave that guy if you were such a scaredy cat?”

-“ I was sick of me being afraid. He…” I stopped as a lump formed over my throat. Justin took my hand. “He was…” all my the memories of three years ago were fresh again, the wound was opened anew. “And I…” I had used all my will power to forget the incident and here I was telling them for the first time and it hurt. “ …We…” I felt a tear run down my cheek.

-“ Come.” He whispered and tugged my hand for me to fallow him. I did without adding another word. He led me to his place and seated me on a chair. He offered me a handkerchief and I realized that I still had tears running down my cheeks. I dried them and blew my nose.

-“ Now tell me everything from the beginning.” He commanded and I took a deep breath.

-“ I was in the last year of high school.” I started looking at my hand. “Everyone had someone… you know, for the prom. And I didn’t. I felt so isolated and lonely. I was working at another restaurant at that time. My boss was a forty-year-old man. He was very friendly with his staff. And… I knew I shouldn’t have but… I started telling him how I felt. At that time, I did not have any friends to talk to and it was good to have someone who listens to you. I told him that I was miserable ‘cause all the girls had a date for that night but me. He asked me why did I think that guys didn’t ask me and I told him it was probably ‘cause I was a virgin while the other girls had all sorts of experience.” I stopped as a wave of sobbing began.

-“ There, there. Hush. It’s all over now.” He hugged me. Slowly, my sobbing faded and I continued.

-“ Then, he asked me out for that night. I was very flattered and accepted. All I thought was how jealous all the girls would be when I bring a man while they all brought mere boys.” I looked at him expecting to see an expression of disapproval on his face but I found his eyes very sympathetic with me, which encouraged me to go on further. “ I had bought a beautiful dress and went to the hair dresser to fix my hair. I wanted to look my best, not that I cared for him but I wanted to impress all the other girls… those girls never saw me that night for he… he… in his car… we…” I felt my face go brilliant red as I narrated this intimate detail about my private life. I couldn’t tell him how painful it was not just losing my virginity but the whole thing proved how stupid I was.

-“ You were young. You were vulnerable and he took advantage of you.” He soothed me. God! how much I wanted to be comforted but was too embarrassed to tell any one. However, the tail has yet to finish. “ At least he was careful and took protection. He was my boss and I could not at the time pull my strength to face him. He acted as if nothing happened the days that fallowed. I did not think it was rape at the time. I thought it was what everyone did. I planned to refuse him if he ever asked me again but he never did. As if I was a shoe that got too small for him and he threw it away not caring who wore it after him. He must have told the staff about me being easy or something ‘cause they all soon were snickering whenever I turned my back. I did not know what to do. I cried every night.” He tightened his grip on my hand and somehow telling this to him was not that bad. In fact, it was relieving me of a burden I have carried on my shoulders for a long time. “After that, came Mitch. He was two years younger than me and was my co-worker at the restaurant. After my boss, I thought it was the age difference that made me feel so miserable. So, when Mitch started paying me attention I did not turn him down. I thought that I had better lose my fear of guys as quickly as possible. You know, like when you fall of a horse’s saddle once, it’s better to got on him right after before your fear overwhelms you.” He nodded understanding my logic.

-“ People should always give second chances. They should give it to themselves as well.” He agreed.

-“ Besides, I must admit that I was a little curious as to what happens... Well anyhow, Mitch finally asked me out. It was pleasant at first just simple talking and laughing then he wanted to show me a special place. I agreed. The place was a spot at the beach. I knew why girls and boys went to such spots and got nervous. I forced my self to stay and give Mitch a chance to correct my opinion about men. Only he started doing things … disgusting things… now I believe that he saw too much porn movies while my only experience was with my boss, which was not at all enlightening… I got scared and struggled against him, biting and using my nails until he let me go. I ran away from him. I heard him calling me names but I kept on until I could not go any further and somehow managed to get home… I wasn’t brave, Justin. I was so scared. I ran from my fear but I ran the opposite way and ended…” I started crying all over again leaning over Justin as if he was the only port in a storm. He gently kept me where I placed my self, not pushing me away or pulling me to him. He understood my fragile condition; he just sat there showing me that he was there to comfort me and not to use me like all my experience with men.

I pulled myself together after sometime and looked at him then chuckled at the mess I did on his shoulder. “ I’m sorry.” I did not mean to burden him with my pathetic life nor did I mean to wet his shoulder. I felt embarrassed for letting myself burst like this. It was the second time he saw me crying; he must think that I cry continuously, a crybaby.

-“ It’s ok. I was going to wash it any ways.” He smiled back at me.

-“ I meant for everything.” I looked down.

-“ It’s ok, really. Did you know my first was forty as well?” he answered brightly.

-“ Lots in common, huh?” I smiled back at him. For the first time in my life, I finally can think of what happened lightly.

-“ We had a course that we took at a hospital and she was the nurse responsible of our group.” I laughed at how close our situation was.

-“ Was she friendly, too?” I teased.

-“ Very friendly indeed.” He said lightheartedly and winked. “ That’s reminds me. The guys are making a party. Would you come?” Me? He was asking ME? He was asking me to go to a PARTY! Why…Oh my god! He pities me! Rage blazed in me but not at him, at myself. I do not want his pity! I want… what did I want? Why did I open up for him? What was I expecting? “Well?” he questioned.

-“ I don’t know… I … I’ll ask my mom.” Oh great now he will think that I’m mommy’s-little-girl.

-“ You’ve been talking so much about your friends that I want you to meet mine.” He answered eagerly. I smiled and told him that I’d do my best but I was not going to tell him that I wouldn’t go. I did not want to seem ungrateful.

As I closed the door behind me, my mom came to me.

-“ Did you pass?” she asked worriedly. I always tell them that I did dreadful so they’ll be prepared if I did fail or got low marks.

-“ Don’t I always?” I answered smugly and gave her the envelope. As old as I was, she would always check on my grades.

-“ Then why do you always say how terrible you do in your exams?”

-“ The better to prepare you.” I left her and went to my room. For as much bravado I put, I never sleep the day before the release of my results. And right now I was exhausted.

-“ Oh finally, your back!” Sara shouted from my back. “ I want someone to talk to!”

-“ Yeah, sure. About what?” I smiled politely. It has been long since we lived under the same roof.

-“ I’ll tell you all about Roby!” she answered enthusiastically.

-“ Roby?” I hoped that she would talk about something that wouldn’t last long but I was not that lucky.

-“ Yes, Roby, your soon to be brother-in-law!” she said impatiently. I got the hint. I was to ask her about him, so help me god.

-“ How did you two meet?” I feigned my interest.

-“ You’ll love this! It was SOOOOO romantic. Well, you know he is a doctor. He sent me a patient to make her lose some weight before her operation and I told him that she needs a month ‘cause the quick loss of weight my harm her but he was enraged for he planed her operation in two weeks. He came stampeding into my office and telling me that the old women cannot wait that long for an operation. I told him to calm down but he didn’t so I left the office and since I did not have many patients, I decided to have my brake until he cools down.

“ As I made my way down the stairs he followed me and some how tripped and came tumbling down and broke his leg in the process. His health insurance covered the expenses of his treatment but I was assigned to follow up his case as a kind of punishment. I, of course, didn’t agree with them. It was his fault but they said that he was punished enough by his broken leg. So, as his leg healed, I had to make him lose weight. And I as I grew to know him better, I realized that he wasn’t so bad.” She blushed.

-“ You love him, don’t you?” I asked flatly but without showing my disgust. And she was supposed to be the smart one!

-“ Not at first.” She giggled. “But after a while, I told my self that if it looked like a duck, sounded like a duck, felt like a duck… it might BE a duck. And when he told me that he loved me, I told him the same and after three months he proposed.” She had a dreamy look on her face.

-“ So you met and will get married within a year?” was she serious? She needs more time!

-“ Why waste time? I know he is the one!” she smiled. “ Suzie… I want you to be my maid of honor at my wedding.”

-“ Me?? Are you sure? Don’t you want one of your friends? What’s her name? Nattily?” it is not unusual for a sister to asker her other sisters to be that but Sara and me never were that close.

-“ No she’s married. Did you forget?” she stopped then looked at me for a minute. “ You don’t have to be a virgin you know. Are you …”

-“ I know that! Ok I’ll be the maid of honor.” I cut her off. “ Now if you can excuse me, I am tired and want to rest before diner.” I went to my room and lay on my bed.

My virginity was not something I’d discuss with anyone! Usually, people assume that I am still a virgin because of my innocent looks but looks can be deceiving! And with little help from me they are sure that no one ever told me about the birds and the bees, and I just love to help people, I mocked myself. This way, no one would talk to me about this abominable subject. I might be leading a double life but who on earth tells everyone the all truth about himself?

However, since the time with my boss and Mitch, I had been reading more about that subject. If I were going to go through that dreadful experience again, at least I would know what the hell my partner was doing. I do not plan to be idle and stiff. When I’m 30, I’m planning to have a baby and until then I am going to study how to do it properly. I don’t know if I’m going to get married but single mothers are not that rare any more and I will love my child enough for being the mommy and daddy in the same time.

With those thoughts, I drifted to dreamland.

-“ Come on, Suzie! Roby is coming any minute! Aren’t you ready yet?” Sara shouted at me from behind the door.

-“ I’m coming! Gimmie a break will ya!” I shouted back at her. When my mom is nervous the whole household is nervous! And now she wanted to give a good impression on her future son-in-law.

I looked at myself and sighed. I can’t do much about my size, can I? It’s time like these that I wished that I inherited my mom’s family small body than my dad’s. If you were small, people would not notice you.

I’m very shy with strangers related to us. I do not want them to take me as an example for my whole family because I represent them. On the other hand, I don’t suffer from this at the restaurant or at college. No one there thinks who my family is. I am what I am. Not a Micheals but Suzie. If I did something wrong, I alone suffer the consequences and not my family as well if I did a good thing, it wont be thought of as my family influence.

Oh what the hell! Let him see what he is asking for! I dropped the brush on the vanity table and went outside of my room. If this man was going to be my brother, he should accept me no matter what I looked like. Besides! WE were going to judge him not the way around!

I went down to the living room where we were all dressed up in our best and played perfect family. My mom was wearing her best Lady of the Manor attitude while my father was reading his newspaper. Sara was looking out the window expecting her love to arrive any minute where as Sabrina watched the TV. Sid was something else. He was grumpy. My dad probably forced him out of a game he was playing.

No sooner I sat then Sara shouted that he was here. You could feel the room tensing and it broke only as the doorbell rang. Then every one rushed to their places. Sara ran to open the door while my mom stood near her husband. Sabrina turned the TV off and Sid straightened in his seat.

We were all introduced and soon dinner was served. Sara only had eyes for her fiancé while Sid and Sabrina had fun imitating an exaggerated Sara. However, dad had talked about nothing but politics and economical stuff of witch I was bored of and can only imagine what poor Roby felt.

I excused my self after dinner and went out of the house, my mom glaring at me with fiery eyes. Truly, I could not stand it more than that. After all, he isn’t going to marry Sara for my sake, was he? If he was really going to marry Sara, I’ll have time to know him better later.

Now, that I was out of the house where was I to go? Hmm… I looked around for a miracle to happen and someone would find me somewhere to go. One minute… two minutes… nope, no miracles tonight. Sometimes being lucky is not enough; you have to make your own luck.

I headed to the nearest telephone booth and dialed Bessie’s number but closed the line as soon as it started ringing. Bessie is always busy this time. Who else? Who can give me fun if I wanted some? I smiled and quickly dialed a number. It is always risky but tonight I felt wicked and daring enough to face Mr. Devil personally.  

NEXT

I Hope you enjoyed your visit!

HOME - WHO'S WHO - 1ST CHAPTER

CONTACT ME - TELL ME WHAT YOU THINK