-“ Over here, Suzie!” Amy waved her hand so I would notice her between all the masses. I squeezed my way to her table.

-“ Hi, Amy. Thanks for the trouble.” I smiled at her. If she were going to hook me up with some guy tonight, I wouldn’t mind it much; I was so bored.

-“ Your welcome. I was wondering when would you show interest. And wait till you see the guys I prepared!” she answered proudly of her success.

-“ Ah. Amy… I said I wanted to have fun not a hunk.” I replied.

-“ Guys can be fun, too. Come on, give them a chance.” She pleaded.

-“ I don’t know…” I answered reluctantly.

-“ Or you can sit with me and Mickey-Marvin.” She compromised.

-“ Show me the hunks.” I retorted and she laughed.

-“ You don’t like him, eh?”

-“ What I feel isn’t important; it’s what you feel that counts. And where is prince charming tonight? I don’t see him?” I teased her about her missing date.

-“ He will be around soon enough. Now let me see, hmm. Which one of the guys you want?” she pointed with her eyes at three people.

-“ Aw, Amy you make them sound as if they really want to be with me.” This was getting depressing. “Tell you what. I’ll stick around until Mickey Mouse… ops I mean Mickey arrives.”

-“ It’s Mickey-Marvin.” The corrected.

-“ Yeah.” I looked away to hide my annoyance but I bumped into the profile of Justin. Yikes! I looked back at Amy then the glass of water abruptly was the most amusing thing in the world.

-“ Going out with someone doesn’t mean you’ll marry him! Just go and enjoy the pleasure of being the star of his night. Oh don’t look now, but Justin is here! You remember him. The one who said you had a lovely name.” Already I had sweat drops forming on my forehead and I believe the heat on my face was a deep blush. “Oh but he is very nice! AND he doesn’t have a girl friend! Too bad he isn’t interested in girls at the moment.” She returned to sip her juice while I tried to compose myself and gather my courage to ask more about him for though I talked a lot with him, I needed another opinion to support mine.

-“ Why isn’t he interested?” God! Can’t I at least be tactful?

-“ Who knows? He might be gay… you know that gays are very polite and well educated as he is… but then again he might be just shy like you.” Justin was definitely NOT gay! He cannot be gay! I was preparing him for one of my friends! He can’t disappoint me!

-“ I’m not shy!” I shot back at her wanting to release my anger at the thought of him being gay.

-“ Oh no, not Suze of El Macho!” she mocked me.

-“ I’m not!” I insisted. One more darn thing about me, if I said something I’ll stick to it to the end.

-“ We’ll see about that.” She gave me a wicked smile then… “Hey! Justin! Over here!” she waved her hand to him in the same way she did to me. He managed to come to us with no lost limps in the way; it was very crowded.

-“ Hey, guys! What’s up?” he smiled.

-“ You remember Suzie, don’t you? She wants to dance but has no partner. Would you help out?” she answered back with her best smile.

-“ But!” I interjected but she cut me off.

-“ I’m sure Justin isn’t too busy to spare you a couple of minutes.” She eyed me daring me to say that I’m shy. Darn me and my big mouth.

-“ Sure, I’m always ready to help a damsel in distress.” He smiled politely still continuing to act as a stranger to me. I sent Amy looks that can kill.

-“ Great. Go along, Suzie. Don’t you worry about me; Mickey-Marvin is coming any… oh here he is now! Honey, over here! Move it, Suzie. Don’t be shy.” Ah, the magic word again and before I knew it I was standing up. Justin put one arm behind me and led me to the dancing area, which was of course crammed, too. I glanced at Amy one last time and saw her rejoining with her Mickey.

-“ What was that all about?” Justin shouted to be heard over the loud music.

-“ She dared me not be shy.” I answered him in the same volume of voice. “ Glad it was you and not somebody else!” his eyes gleamed. “ ‘Cause I don’t know how to dance. So watch out for your toes.” I warned him.

-“ That makes both of us. I don’t know how to dance either.” He laughed.

-“ Then I guess Amy owes us two pare of shoes.” I joked. “Besides, I don’t think it’s that difficult. We only have to move like crazy people.”

We danced that song, then he returned me back to Amy were I excused myself. However, Justin disappeared as soon as we reached her.

-“ Did he ask you out?” Amy asked immediately as I reached her.

-“ It’s only one dance, Amy.” I rolled my eyes. Pretty people think that everybody treats everyone else’s like they do them.

-“ But you look real nice. Doesn’t she?” she asked the guy who was eating her with his eyes.

-“ She will never outshine you, baby.” Mickey replied.

-“ Well I gotta go now. Bye Amy.” I said hurriedly.

-“ Aw, Suzie. The night is still young!” she complained.

-“ You know how dad feels about this.” I sighed. I never thought I’d be grateful to dad for giving this rule but I really wanted out.

-“ Ok take care. G’bye!” she said pouting.

-“ Bye.” And I headed out squeezing myself out as I squeezed in before. A very hard task if you were my size. Getting out of that place was like popping out of soda bottle. Suddenly, clean fresh air surrounded me and once again I could find a place for my feet. Quickly, I ran my fingers on my blouse buttons to make sure that they were all in place. I sighed in relief and took a long breath enjoying my ability.

-“ Pretty crammed, wasn’t it?” a voice came from behind me. I turned around quickly.

-“ Oh, Justin, you scared me!” I smiled. It always felt good to have him around.

-“ You’re easily scared, señorita.” He smiled back.

-“ When you have my imagination, you’d feel the same.” I complained.

-“ Can I interest you in a ride home?” he offered and my first impulse was to refuse. I looked again at him. Since I met him he was nothing but caring and polite. So…

-“ Why not?” I beamed at him. And besides, if I can’t trust him with myself, how can I trust him with any of my friends? He started moving to his car and I fallowed him. “ I remember one time when I woke up during summer vacation and everybody else was sleeping. I checked on everyone. My mom and dad had work so I was more or less alone in the house. Suddenly I heard a dripping sound coming from the bathroom. I had passed this bathroom before and didn’t hear anything. So, I thought if this were a movie, it would be the dripping of blood coming from a dead body. The idea was so strong that I went to look in the bathroom myself.” I smiled at him while he unlocked the door and we got in.

-“ So what did you find?” he asked grinning.

-“ As I imagined, there was something and I screamed. As soon as I screamed, I realized that it was only my mother. She came while I went checking on everyone else. I swear, she must have thought that I went crazy.” I chuckled while he laughed out loud.

-“ I had something similar happen to me. I was sitting near the phone when it suddenly started ringing. I imagined that there was a bomb inside it, which would blow any minute. So, I started running away from it. Pedro saw me and looked like he was thinking the same thing your mom thought.” He grinned and I giggled.

-“ I know that feeling. Many times, I imagined a glass of water slipping from my hand and crashing to the floor. I would halt for a while afraid to move so that whatever I imagined won’t happen.” I shrugged showing my wonder at how I think sometimes. And he nodded in agreement. “Are you sure we aren’t twins that got separated or something?” I joked at how similar we were. “We look alike don’t we?” I continued. “ Your just itsy bitsy over tanned. We are almost the same height. Your hair is short so we can’t compare that.” I complained.

-“ My features are different from yours.” He tried to make a flaw in my idea but I don’t give up easily.

-“ Well, that’s because you look like our dad and I look like mom.” I defended.

-“ I’m older than you!” he blurted the obvious fact. Uh-oh major defect.

-“ You haven’t by any chance been abducted by aliens who made experiments on you to make you older?” I answered in a pathetic desperate explanation.

-“ I’m afraid not.” He smirked.

-“ Then I guess we’re not twins.” I sighed sadly to continue the act.

-“ I’m glad we’re not. What would people say if I was the only person my sister danced with?” he smiled.

-“ Hmm good idea. Perhaps one day I’ll make you marry me or something.” I joked and looked at the street missing the weird look on his face.

-“ You shouldn’t have left!” my mother chastised me as soon as I was home. “What would he think of you? Of US?”

-“ Nothing worse that what he thought of my dad boring political talk.” I replied hardly controlling my tone.

-“ Men like talking of politics! See what happens when you don’t listen to me whenever I talk about men? I try to help you but all you do is ignore me.” She complained bored of repeating her speech to me at any time I embarrass her. I sighed.

-“ True. True.” I said with a tone that held a completely different answer.

-“ Don’t you even try to shut me up!” she shot back at me knowing my technique I always apply when I am punished, I agree with every word they say then forget everything the next minute.

-“ Very well.” I agreed.

-“ Don’t talk to your mother like that.” My dad joined the choir.

-“ Ok.” I simply answered but they sighed. You cannot force someone to agree with you but if they did verbally you’ll look silly arguing it any further. I felt horrible to do this to them but being their daughter does not mean that I’m a distorted replica of themselves. I am what I am and nothing else. So, what if I wasn’t concerned in the other sex’s major interests. I may not be as beautiful as my mother or as successful as my father but I am content.

My dad left the room and my mom fallowed him. I relaxed my back against the wall and felt my hands go cold as they usually do if I was upset. I rubbed them together to warm them. The coldness always frightened me; it made me feel like they were dead. I closed my eyes and started the only treatment I knew, imagination. I have created hundreds of stories in this way. Slowly, my hands came back to normal.

I opened my eyes. This was the moment I hated most because it was the moment I crashed into reality. I no longer was the controller of everything, I was a mere someone not special in any way. I control my imagination, I reminded myself. I shifted my legs. How long have I been standing here? I pushed against the wall to start walking. It was late and I was tired.

Dragging my legs, I passed my little sister room when I heard her talking enthusiastically. Weird. She usually goes to bed early. I heard another voice and I paused. It was Sara who I thought she left with her fiancé. This discreet reunion sparked a curiously in me. I got nearer to hear better and was glad that the door was left ajar.

-“ What can I do, Sara? I want him to notice me.” Sabrina moaned.

-“ Ignore him.” A sure Sara answered.

-“ What! Why on earth would I ignore him! Hello! I want him to notice me, remember?” answered an upset Sabrina.

-“ Exactly! Break down his ego. Let HIM fallow you.” The older voice reassured.

-“ What happens if he doesn’t notice me after all?” She answered worriedly.

-“ Are you serious? Look at yourself! How can he not notice a cute girl who ignores him?” Sara finally ran out of patience.

I leaned on the wall for support. What happened to the world? How come my baby sister has crushes! Why didn’t I know first! Why didn’t she tell me! How come she goes to Sara when I’m closer to her!

I have nothing to give her. I finally confessed to myself. Nine years older than her yet I know nothing. I am as ignorant as she is or maybe more. I was twenty-one and my baby sister already thinks of dating while my older sister is in her way to get married. Where does that leave me?

Even virgin girls date but not me! Not that I was interested but I feel… offended. I may not be attractive but I am better tempered than Sara. So how come she was the one who was getting married! Is physical appearance was really everything! This was depressing!

Drunk on my ideas I went to my room. My little sister is going into boys while I was still uninterested. No wonder my mom was worried. Gosh! I feel ancient. It is not my fault though. Not my mistake that I was smarter than other women who make themselves fools over a man. Men are nothing but trouble and only good for making money. Why, I never met a guy that didn’t irritate me. Well, almost… there is Justin. He never gets on my nerves or anything… in fact; if I were ever going to choose someone to spend my life with I’d choose him. But beggars cannot be choosers… no! I’m NOT a beggar!

I looked outside the window at his house. Why do women act silly to get the man they want? What was so special? Sex? I tried that and didn’t like it… so what is it???? What kind of mother would I be if I couldn’t give advice? I have read a lot about the subject but still found no answer!

Was I a lesbian? Is that why I don’t like guys? But I don’t like girls THAT way and I don’t like all girls either. What is wrong with me? Is this about timing? I had no friends before until college was I going to have a boy friend after it?

I liked the idea. God only sends me the best and nothing less. The right guy would come eventually. Of course, I wont love him – there is no such thing as love - but he would be the best there is and I will try my best to please him…

My best? I know nothing! I started pacing the room. How dreadful if I met the right guy then ruined everything with my ignorance. I tried learning from others but I still understood nothing. I should get some training… Yes. That I must do, but uh-oh big problem again. I have no one to practice with. And I wasn’t exactly the femme fatal around here.

Could I? I looked at the house in front of my window. It was against my ethics to use any one especially a good person. And Justin was certainly that. Besides! He was my gift to my friends! I shook my head to get rid of this idea. But the more I tried to ignore it the more I thought about it.

He might not like them, I told my self. Who am I kidding! Every one likes them! It’s an honor that they still want me! They might not like him, I retorted. Well, yes they have that right I can’t force them to see the obvious truth that Justin was a catch and besides he can’t be THE ONE for them. People are not supposed to meet the one so early in their life.

And who was I to tell what guy was good and what wasn’t? All my experience with them was rotten. What am I thinking! Why on earth was I sure that I actually CAN take him? He will surely reject me! And then our friendship would be ruined!

I flung my self on my bed. This was the vicious circle of thoughts that I kept thinking for the last week and always end up facing the inevitable. I was not attractive and by no means will I show how I feel to anyone! I will go on playing the act that it was MY decision to leave guys alone and concentrate on my studies.

-“ You look pale, Suzie.” Justin commented.

-“ Nothing a herbal tea can’t fix.” I laughed but he looked puzzled. So I explained: “ Bessie thinks that herbal tea can cure anything.” I smiled as I explained and continued walking.

-“ Oh.” He chuckled. “This Bessie sounds interesting.” Guilt pinched me again. What if Bessie wanted him? She liked opinionated men that have something between their ears other than hair.

-“ Bessie is one of the most interesting people I ever met.” I agreed.

-“ But that does not explain your pale face. What happened after I brought you back?” his eyes were very intense with worry. “Did your father get angry ‘cause you went out at night?” I smiled.

-“ He was angry but not for that reason.” I said sarcastically and glanced back at him. His eyes carried the same concerned expression. Why is he so worried? I don’t worry what on earth might happen to me so why does he? “Don’t look at me like that. It’s really nothing. If I went on any other day my mother would have celebrated.” I clenched my teeth and thrashed my hands in my pockets.

-“ What was so special about yesterday then?” he put his hand behind my shoulder in sympathy. The gesture took completely with surprise that I halted. His touch always made me feel soft and vulnerable and my condition required all my strength until I decide what to do with him.

I shrugged and sat at the green grass of the park. Justin was a very sensitive person and I did not want him to feel offended with my actions. I tapped the ground beside me to signal him to sit, which he did.

-“ My sister got engaged.” I started.

-“ Oh my god!” he cut me off. “ No wonder you are worried sick! Sabrina is still a kid! I’d be enraged too if she was my daughter.” He shook his head in wonder.

-“ No not Sabrina! It’s Sara.” I smiled at the idea of Sabrina getting married. This was a farfetched thought. But then again the thought of Sabrina having crushes was at some time farfetched, too.

-“ Sara? You have another sister?” he was surprised.

-“ Ah, yes, the pride and joy of my mom. You saw her, too. Remember? The one who was kissing on our porch?” he nodded remembering. “Her fiancé was visiting us. A nice guy really but you know me. I got all bored of political talk and excused myself and went out to meet Amy. Silly of me, I know and it seems sillier ‘cause of Amy’s dare. I don’t even know why I called her of all my friends, not that I have many. I rarely go to places like those.” I sighed. “I guess it was the inspiration of the moment. I had forgotten all about that Mickey of hers.” I looked at the cloud-filled sky. It was almost Fall. Chilly drafts blew occasionally. Please, don’t ask more why I was awake all night or I’d have to lie.

-“ I see. Why do you hate Mickey?” he wondered and I was glad that he changed the topic.

-“ I don’t HATE him. I just don’t like him.” I answered.

-“ Ok, why do you don’t like him?” he inquired. And I got tense again. I had no rational explanation and I always bragged to be logical.

-“ I don’t know but don’t think it’s ‘cause I’m jealous. I just have a feeling about people. I know it sounds ridiculous but my feelings always proved to be correct. And before you ask, yes, I did tell Amy how I felt but she’ll dump him sooner or later. She just happened to be mused by him longer than other guys. Besides, I don’t like all the guys she goes with and she didn’t take me seriously.” My hand found their way again to my pockets. I hated the irrational part of me. “Oh, I’m sorry! I forgot he’s your friend!” stupid, stupid, stupid!

-“ No actually, he’s just an acquaintance.” But he was silent after that and thinking deeply.

I looked at him from the corner of my eye. Did I offend him? I sighed. Can’t I do anything right? Why did I have to make a mess of everything? We were doing fine being just friends. Why on earth did I get the silly idea of having him? I mean, isn’t there any one else? No, I answered myself. All my crushes were heart breaking and I want some one I don’t have a crush on so if we broke up it wouldn’t hurt that much.

-“Sorry, did you say something?” I asked for he said something and was expecting my reply.

-“ I said is your friend taking him seriously?” he repeated.

-“ My frie…? Oh Amy! I dunno, may be. He certainly is the longest one who lasted.” I shrugged and struggled to keep track of our conversation. It is a lost battle anyhow. He obviously likes Amy. And who was I to compete? Dump fat silly me? I’d better stick to what I’m good at and conversation was not it ‘cause Justin had been talking all the while and I didn’t hear a thing!

-“… So, you see you might be right after all.” He finished.

-“ I might be right?” ok pretend you did not understand what he is saying.

-“ Don’t you see, Suzie? He is cheating on Amy! You’re so innocent sometimes!” what!

-“ It can’t be!” who is stupid enough to cheat on Amy! I mean she is perfect! And what is this about me being innocent?

-“ Yes it’s awful.” He nodded.

-“ Are you sure?” God damn it! Why wasn’t I listening!

-“ I just told you I heard him talking of another girl! In fact, he was bragging how easy she was.” He assured me.

If a guy cheated on Amy after only a month then how much have I got? Probably he will be faithful after one hour of our first date! And poor Amy! But what if…?

-“ What if it was Amy he was bragging about?” it might be possible that he is just telling his friends about her. Maybe he was only sure now of Amy’s feeling. If this were a movie, I’d change the channel. But no such luck. I had the responsibility of telling her this.

-“ No I’m sure the girl’s name was Benny.” He answered gravely. Oh god! How I was to deal with this?

-“ Oh, Justin! What should I do?” I looked at him seeking help. Stop it, Suzie. He already did what he was supposed to. He shouldn’t do your part, too. I looked away. I have become somehow less independent since I met Justin. He was spoiling me.

I started getting up. I need to think of this thoroughly. I’ll check her later this afternoon. I should be less nervous. After all, Amy is unpredictable. She might have dumped him by now… but what if she didn’t? How will she get over him? How will she forget? Perhaps she’s the one who will take Justin after all. And Justin likes her, too. Well at least every one will be happy. I will have to make Justin make the moves over Amy, which is difficult considering how shy he is. I will have to convince him that it is a favor for me so he wouldn’t be so worried about it.

-“ I’m sorry to be the one who informs you about this but I can’t tell you what to do. Only you can decide since you know her better than I do.” He apologized.

We started walking back home silently. Each one of us was lost in deep deliberation. I have to plan things quickly before it’s too late. I will ask him now that Amy’s situation is fresh in his mind.

-“ Justin, we’re friends. Right?” I started as we neared my place.

-“ Yes.” he answered with a little surprise on his side. Now what should I say? Please flirt with Amy so she’ll for get that bozo? I looked at him and found him as hesitant as I felt. Why is that?

I fumbled in my pockets to find my house keys as we stood now in front of my house. I held the cold metal and brought it out. The atmosphere was filled with tension. The time is not good, I finally concluded. I shuffled the keys until I found the one wanted. Then, looked at him to say good-bye when he suddenly cupped my hand in his. The simplest way to describe how I felt was startled.

-“ Suzie… Suzie, since I met you, I realized that we have lots in common… and many things that I can’t find in any another girl. You understand, and know how to absorb my anger… and you can even read my mind, sometimes. I don’t know how to start…” I looked down at my hand that was resting in the warm nest he had made. Oddly, It felt nice. I always thought that I wont enjoy holding hands with anyone. But now, … oh my god what am I thinking? He continued “But I can see you are not with any one and… I hope you will think before answering me… Suzie, I like you; I feel attracted to you and I hope you will be mine… I love you.” He finally concluded.

I resisted an urge to look him in the eye to see if he was joking. However, I did not need that; I knew he was serious from his tone. But I simply could not believe this! This is absurd! When I finally decide that he will be Amy’s, he says that he loves me! How awful! Yet, how sweet! A guy actually found something he liked in me. Not any guy but THE perfect guy I planned to give to heartbroken Amy. I can’t do this to her. I can’t do this to HIM. I don’t really love him. I like him… I like him a lot but this… this was the biggest mess I ever made! I can’t do this! This cannot be happening! I stepped back keeping my eyes away from his. I turned and went inside my house and left him without saying a word.

I hated myself but the only thing I wanted to do is run away and hide.

Inside my house was warm and empty. I walked to the kitchen in a dream like way. Only in my stories such incredible things happen. I never had to really deal with such things. In my stories people either die or live happily ever after. Living happily ever after is impossible; I knew that. So, what is left for me was death, which I would happily grant it for myself as punishment to pretend to know everything. This is why people shouldn’t play Cupid.

I went to the fridge and gave my self an ice cream treat that was the whole packet. I sat and sulked over the sweetness melting in my mouth. How much I wish I never went to that masquerade ball. I shoved a big chunk of ice cream in between lips.

-“ You look like you lost your best friend. But that’s no reason to eat all that fat!” Sara commented cheerfully adding to my list of disasters today a possibility of me strangling her to death.

-“ How come Mr. Right didn’t take you off our shoulders already!” I rushed out side before I saw my hands around her neck.

-“ Oh, touchy!” she called back at me surprised that I actually reacted to her so-called advice.

-“ I don’t like it.” Amy finally uttered. I looked at her. She didn’t like what? I didn’t say anything yet.

-“ What?” I kept playing with the straw in my juice.

-“ You! Yesterday you were glowing and now! … I don’t know but you look like a lamp that was turned off. What happened?” this is a problem when you have friends that read you like an open book.

-“I don’t know what your talking about.” I answered flatly. She shook her head.

-“ Ok then what’s the important thing you couldn’t tell me on the phone?” she retorted objecting my dismissing of the subject.

-“ It’s about Mickey.”

-“ Mickey-Marvin?”

-“ The one and only.” I assured her.

-“ What about him?” she sipped her apple juice seeming to be relaxed.

-“ He… I mean… do you…” I have rehearsed this for an hour now I don’t remember a thing! “ Do you love him?” I finally managed. Please say no!

-“ He is cute, isn’t he?” she giggled. Say no!

-“ In an evil kinda way, I guess he is.” I answered hoping she’d agree with me on the evil part.

-“ Oh, Suzie! You always have the weirdest expressions! ‘In an evil kinda way’ indeed!” then, she broke into such a titter.

-“ But DO you love him!” SAY NO!

-“ No…” she simply answered and continued sipping her juice. Sheesh! Thank god! But…

-“ Is this the truth or are you just saying that?” I had to make sure.

-“ Relax, dear. If you want him I don’t mind. You probably had an impure thought about him and thought that you were cheating on me. Is that why you are upset? Come on cheer up! We won’t fight over something so silly!” she continued as if she just gave me an extra pen but isn’t this exactly how it was to her? I was speechless. Then anger burned in me. I DON’T take handouts!

-“ You think I … and him! Insane! … Don’t even like him! The bastard!” boiling, I couldn’t make a sentence! I galloped my juice then looked at her perplexed face. I sighed. “It isn’t like that, Amy.”  And the thought that I worried about breaking her heart! “It’s just that me and the gang were worried about your seriousness with him. ‘Cause you have stayed with him longer than usual… and you were behaving like you love him.” I finally concluded.

-“ So what if I was? What if I was madly in love with him?” she munched on her fries.

-“ Well, then, as your friend I have the responsibility of telling you that…” that Justin told me about his other conquests? “That…” that you were not all what he wanted in a woman? “That I don’t like him.”

-“ Are you serious?” she laughed. “ You hate all the guys I bring about.”

-“ You don’t understand! I really, really, REALLY don’t like him.” I insisted.

-“ I think you’re right.” She said thoughtfully. I am?

-“ Sure I am! … About what?”

-“ I have been with him too long. He’s getting all bossy. ‘Don say this! Don’t do that!’ I’m going to change him and you gave me a good excuse!” she smiled cheerfully. “ I didn’t have time to look for others ‘cause of all that studying, now I’m a free woman!” she stood up and waved her farewells with a flying kiss. No need to say that I blushed. People no longer took innocent gestures as they are and end up interpreting it all wrong. I smiled and waved back.

Alone, at that restaurant, I sat thinking about my other humongous problem. How to deal with Justin? Now that Amy is not heart broken and in no need for him… can I? DARE I?         

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