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-“ What do you mean we’re leaving!” I interrogated Sabrina. -“ Oh my god! You really are living in another planet!” she joked. Having no patience I hurried to get my news from the source. I stampeded down the stairs heading to the living room were my mom and father sat watching the news. -“ Are we really leaving? We
can’t! My friends are here! I have my studies! I won’t leave! No way! I’d
rather die!” I will not leave Justin! Dream on! -“ Now Suzie don’t be so rash. It will destroy your life in the future.” My father answered coolly. And why wouldn’t he? He has nothing to lose.-“
We talked about it before, don’t you remember? You agreed, too.” I did?
“And besides! It will only be for a month! We’ll redecorate the house and
meanwhile we’ll go to your grandpa’s farm.” At this point she directed her
complaint to her husband. “I’ve told her but God knows she has her mind
somewhere between the TV and her books; you’d think that we are the
commercials in her life.” She shook her head despair. “I don’t know when
will she be like the rest of the girls.” -“ Life will teach her don’t worry.” the democratic father stated unperturbedly. Don’t you just hate it when people ignore your existence? -“
When are we leaving?” I retorted. -“
Tomorrow…” my mother started but I cut her off. -“
TOMORROW! Are you serious! We didn’t pack! We…” for the first time I
looked around… boxes were crammed at corners, rugs were neatly folded and
couches were carefully covered… they ARE serious! Where was I when all of this
happened? In my room, figures! “ I didn’t pack! When exactly are we
leaving?” I finished with my loud voice subdued. -“
Early tomorrow, ‘bout six in the morning.” Mrs. Michels asserted. Shit!
-“
Yeah, I know! I can’t believe it myself!” I answered. -“
Girl! You’re the luckiest! You get a free trip where as miserable me is stuck
in this cursed city.” Bessie sighed through the phone. -“
Don’t be so sure! I don’t like going there! And everyone is fussing over
Sara’s wedding.” I moaned. -“
Sara’s getting married!!! How come you didn’t tell me!!!” Bessie snapped
at me. -“
I am sick of talking about it. You were my break from numerous and endless
inquiries I had to answer to. Don’t blame me,‘k.” I apologized. -“
I know the feeling. When my two brothers married, my whole life turned to a
bottomless well of questions.” She replied. Now you know why Bessie is my best
friend… she literally UNDERSTANDS me. “ So did you pack? You should hit the
sack since your trip will be in the morning.” -“
Yeah I finished but I feel like I forgot something. I don’t know what.” I
confessed. -“
Did you put all your clothes? Shoes? Socks?” -“
Check, check and double check…” I replied. -“
Hmmm, who else did you tell you’re leaving? Did u tell your boss at the
restaurant?” -“
Yes I told him; he was pissed. I’m afraid he might substitute me.” I
sighed… -“
Don’t worry about it; you’ll find another job.” She comforted. “I’ll
tell you who is really going to get pissed, the gang.” She giggled and I
chuckled. -“
Don’t worry I’m a survivor.” I bragged. -“
Too bad you wont see their faces when they hear the news.” I cackled. -“
SUZIE!” my mother hissed. “Don’t laugh like that!” my laugh disappeared
at the everlasting criticism but I kept the smile. Hearing the same thing over
and over again makes you get used to it though the same sting will remain there
forever. -“
Suzie? What is it?” my friend asked. -“
N...nothing… I uh… I think I remembered what I forgot.” I answered. -“
What?” -“
A … a book.” Oh my god, Justin! Stupid, Stupid Suzie. -“
Oh its ok. You can go now. It’s still early, you know.” Justin is not
home this week… oh what to do! -“
She is out of town… and I think she wants the book when she comes back.”
It’s a suitable theory… I’ll stick to it. -“ Do I know her? I can take it for her if you like.” Offered she. -“
No … I don’t think you know her.” I swallowed. -“
Well, I think she’ll understand. Don’t worry.” -“
Yeah… I guess. Thanks Bessie.” I attempted to end the conversation. -“
No problem.” She chuckled. “What do you think of me? Am I great or what?” -“
You’re improving.” I teased. -“
F*ck you!” she laughed. “You know I’m great!” -“
A great trouble maker.” I continued. -“
Ha! You’re jealous! And I wont dignify this with an answer.” She acted hurt. -“
Bessie?” -“
Yes?” -“
Bessie?” -“
YES!” -“
I love you.” I smiled. -“
Ok, ok. I wont break-up our engagement but you’ll buy me a hell of a ring!”
she warned jokingly. -“
Ok but I’ll do it just ‘cause I love you.” -“
I love your money … err… I love you, too.” She teased back. Then I heard a
commotion from her side. “ Uh look, Suzie. I gotta go.” -“
Yeah sure. I was waiting for you to say that.” I teased once again. -“
You know, one day I should give you the opportunity to say bye first.”
Bessie’s household only remembers the phone when she uses it. I don’t
remember a call that I made which was not interrupted by one of her many
siblings. -“
I’ll take that as a promise.” I smiles though I knew she wouldn’t see me.
“Take care, bye.” -“Bye…”
I hung the phone. My
smile vanished. How awful, I thought. He will be very upset when I get back.
Darn, if only I could contact him… Funny… All
that time I was with him and I don’t know his number. What’s
more funny is how we have kept everything hush-hush; No one new. It was like a
modern Romeo & Juliet. I knew why I keep it a secret but why he did
it I had no idea. I
stood near the window and breathed enjoying the vapor– it was winter now if
you haven’t noticed yet- that formed on the glass over looking the quiet house
of, my Justin. Not mine, I reminded my self. So what is he?
Whatever he is he is not mine, I retorted strongly. He is… yes? He
is…yes? He… I … I just like him. I stated flatly to myself. Liking
is nice but how bout lo… No!!
I cut off myself. There is no such
thing as love. I just feel responsible! Yes that’s it. I feel responsible of
him worrying not that I would miss him or anything… I could stop seeing him at
anytime I choose … he is just a friend! The
formed vapor that I created dissolved away and no matter how much more I formed;
it always vanishes clearing the view of our neighbor’s house. Somehow, this
fact annoyed me a lot.
-“ So, Sara is getting married; how sweet.” My eldest aunt commented; she herself had seen four of her children get married and was anxious to see all her sisters including my mother, her youngest sister, to share her feeling of becoming a grandma. -“ Yes, she is.” How ridiculous it is sometimes when you are asked rhetorical questions that need to be answered. What? Does she think I might say ‘no and its awful!’ Sheesh! “ It must be a big step for her and it seems everyone is happy.” I put on my respectful smile. -“ Oh yes, she is due to marriage! That’s a good age to marry. You should see Hannah. my daughter swore not to marry before Ames. Oh you’ll never realize how hard it is to raise children until you become a mother.” She complained. And in case you haven’t paid much attention before, this aunt is the mother of my first crush, Ames. Yeah, yeah… it is still awkward after all those years! -“ Speaking of Ames, where is the boy? I haven’t seen him in ages!” my glorious mother remarked. No need to tell you that being me, I never told any one about my feelings. So don’t think that my mother had anything in mind… or did she? I’ll never know. -“ I’ll get him.” Offered one
of my numerous cousins. What? Do you think that I would go to my own death?
No by god, I let death come to me. I
felt my face grow hot against all odds. My feet were freezing and my hands were
sweaty. How humiliating can this get! I
tried to busy myself by talking to my cousin and get deeply involved in this
conversation. In fact, I was so good I didn’t notice the tall figure standing
in front of me until my cousin nudged me. And
let me tell you one thing; he cannot be called a boy anymore. -“
Ames? Oh my god! You changed!” I couldn’t hold my self from stating the
obvious. A glare from my mother told me to go strait to a polite emotionless
conversation. -“
You didn’t.” he smiled civilly. -“
Oh don’t worry. No need to hide it from me” I joked. “I too noticed my
three dimensional growth.” My mother struck me with another fierce look but,
what the heck, she knew I wouldn’t listen. If Justin were here, he’d know
straight away that I was as nervous as hell. Good thing I wasn’t aiming at
impressing Ames ‘cause I was doing a really poor job concerning that aspect.
For now, Ames was totally taken aback by my statement and had no idea how to go
about it. If Justin were in his place he would have laughed and said some other
joke to match mine… but he isn’t, I reminded my self. So
behave your self, Suzie. Or you’ll never hear the end of this from your mom. -“
So how have you been?” he finally continued. -“
I’m alive.” I smiled. “And you? I heard you’re working now.” His
smiled returned, as the conversation was a familiar one to him. -“
Yeah. I gotta start building my life...” He combed his hair with his fingers.
His hair was straight unlike Justin; I never touched Justin’s but it had nice
soft curls. I caught my-self staring at Ames and instantly felt my whole body
blush. Obviously, he noticed my stare and took it as a ... oh I can’t even
think of it! I’m too embarrassed! -“ Suzie, your grandma is talking to you.” My mom flamed yet another blaming glare. My grandma was a fragile woman after her heart attack and I can barely recognize what she is saying. And no wonder I didn’t hear her now, with all these distractions going in my mind. The
rest of the evening went smoothly with the usual chitchat and my mother
never-ending frowns. One thing that kept me thinking though, Ames looked at me
long when we said good-bye. I can’t deny the butterflies in my stomach,
probably something I ate, but a fact was never absent from my mind: I was not
his type. Strangely, this didn’t distress me.
I
stared at unfamiliar ceiling with strange shadows at the corners. Deferent
breathing patterns ranged in the room. All my siblings slept soundly here. Only
I was awake studying the different noises each of them made. It has been so long
since we all slept in one room. It was somehow nice. The room only had two beds
but for the first time I have settled to sleeping on the floor. No one had any
idea why the sudden selflessness but everyone was pleased. It’s really
difficult to be the big sister; always sacrificing and setting a good example
for others. I
shifted to sleep on my right and mused on the blazing lights coming through the
only window from passing cars. So much has happened today and so much will
happen tomorrow, I thought. All this adjustment we did to settle in the rooms at
our grandparents house has taught me how easy we had it back at home. It only
has been one day and I’m already homesick. I missed my pillow. I missed my
bed. I missed my room. I missed my window. I missed… I
rolled to my other side and forcing my eyes to close. This was not a good
thought, I chastised my self. How dare you think of him? You have been
thinking of him all the time! How pathetic! Get real, Susan. You are hurting
your self intentionally. I know that Justin is something you never expected but
he is the tool not the aim. Get over him in this visit and when your back, be
more scientific and objective about this matter. -
Ok… but… -
But what!! -
I’m not sleepy. -
What do you want me to do! - Lets play “what if”. -
What if what? -
What if… Justin really loves me? -
SUZIEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!! -
Hey, relax. I know it’s not true. -
Suzie! I warned you. -
Don’t worry! It’s just another
bedtime story! It’s a fairy tail. It is not real. There are no such things as
ghosts. There is no such thing as magic. And there is no such thing as love.
I
was the last one to wake up: probably because I was the last one to fall asleep.
I looked around the, now, lighted room. Everything seems different in daylight.
The room looks even cheerful at this moment. Slowly,
I trudge over to the bathroom to fix what can be fixed of my ruffled hair and
puffed face. Ew! Don’t you hate it when your warm socks get wet? I looked down
at the clean wet floor. Man, it’s freezing here! I
turned the old fashioned tap on and splashed my face with its water. It was too
late that I realized that the water, like the house, was icy. All of this set my
jaws to chatter. It has been too long since I was THIS cold1! I
looked at my reflection in the mirror and I couldn’t help the smile, which
turned into a giggle, a funny chattering giggle but a giggle no less. If this
was my grandparents’ way to get in the mood, it was certainly working. Old
people sure know what they are doing.
While
I got down in a pretty acceptable shape and a very good mood, I heard a lot of
laughter. As I entered the kitchen, I saw my cousins surrounding my sister and
reading something that was obviously hilarious. -“
What is it?” I asked as I sat at the table to eat my breakfast. -“
We are checking if he’s The One.” My cousin May chuckled. -“ Who’s he? And the one for whom?” I looked then saw how silly was my question. They were obviously talking about Mr. Right for my legendary sister. So: “oh! Him.” I said flatly. -“
Ain’t it cool Suzie? All three of us!” May exclaimed dreamily. Now wait a
minute! I must have miss heard! May is as old as I am! -“
Three?” I must have looked really stupid. “Would someone please bring me up
to date!” I asked frustrated. “Gladly!”
May’s sister, Terry, answered. “You see, May and Rosa are engaged too” -“
What? Really! Uh… congratulations.” I looked at both of them not knowing
what to say. But I know clearly what I thought: Suzie, you are a hopeless
case! These people are halfway to Holly Matrimony and you haven’t even a real
boy friend! Sheesh! I’m hopeless.
Having
totally ruined my mood, I spent the rest of my days looking idly at the TV
screen and played happy family with my family with me as the obedient
goody-goody-two-shoes daughter. Naturally, every one loved the act. My motto
always has been, if you’re going to do something, do it right. Of course,
having lots of experience helped a lot. But
every night I went to bed, I had one thing to think about; how much I miss
Justin. Odd, isn’t it? You never seem to notice how important something is
until you lose it. Days
followed by and my inner depression was intensifying unbearably. I got paler and
more edgy, a thing almost everyone noticed but thought it was a temporary
homesickness. What
did I think? Hmm… Good question. Actually, I tried my best not to think
–obviously I failed miserably because I was beginning to believe that I really
was in love with Justin. Ridiculous,
I know! I can give you a complete analysis as to why I think so but I cannot
stop it! Apparently,
I am trying to escape the shadow of loneliness to the open invitation of love
from Justin. Him being the only guy to ever offer such a thing made him the
major target of my affection. I say, affection not love. There is no such thing
as love! Ok,
back to the main point. I can’t stop myself from this. And being far from him
made things worse! As I believe, I began to give him more credit than any man
deserves! My hyper imagination is giving him the aura of an angel! Yes,
this was it! I was exaggerating Justin to fill up my own picture of what a lover
must be. Trouble is I couldn’t tell what was real about him and what was my
own invention! You know what more that made me sick? I hated that I couldn’t
love anyone! Why can’t I be just like everybody! Life
caries no surprises to me; so, I can’t say that I was fully enjoying it. It
was exactly like seeing a movie over and over again. Monotony has driven me to
my last shelter, more imagination. I suppose that I was addicted; I always
needed a bigger dosage every time. Imagination
was both my prison and salvation…
Apparently,
someone finally thought it a nice idea to get me out to change the scenery. So
there I was in some restaurant sitting among a crowd of relation. Each group of
them was deeply interacted in its own world. The music they played was awful,
too. All about lovelorn people… as if I needed a reminder! My
sister and I were placed together with our own group of cousins. As it happened,
the topic was… yes you guessed it: The topic which women worldwide never
stopped discussing since the first creation, MEN! I’ll stop complaining and
give you the details: -“
Like, how did you knew you loved him?” Terry asked the three young ladies in
their way to holly matrimony. -“
Well, you get this feeling, you know, like you don’t want to leave him.” May
started. Nope, that’s not it… yeah sure, I like to stay with him but
mostly I can’t get him out of my mind. “Then, you can’t get him out of
your mind.” uh oh! “ And when you ARE with him you forget everything
you prepared to say and say the silliest things on earth.” -“
Now, if he loves you back, he will be fascinated by ever rubbish you say.” My
sister retorted. -*-*-*- “…I don’t know why I always
seem to blabber but he never complained and was actually interested…” -*-*-*- -“
Next, when he makes the second move and get close to you, you wont know what to
do; allow him or not,” commented my third cousin, Rosa. -*-*-*- “….
I wanted to stay where I was but I also did not want to admit that to myself.
Reluctantly, I extracted my self from his embrace…” -*-*-*- -“What
happens after that?” a younger cousin asked. -“
You will deny love.” Sara said affirmatively. -“
Yeah.” Agreed May. -“
Happened to me, too.” Rosa confessed. -*-*-*- “…Don’t worry! It’s just
another bedtime story! It’s a fairy tail. It is not real. There are no such
things as ghosts. There is no such thing as magic. And there is no such thing as
love…” -*-*-*- -“Then
how did you know it was love?” Terri wondered but stopped suddenly and seemed
to be concentrating… listening… to the music? “I
wanna know what love is… I want you to show me…I
wanna feel what love is… I
know you can show me! “
I think they knew what we were thinking” she joked about the radio station
that the restaurant was airing. -“
Well…” started her sister but stopped having no idea how to explain. -“
It’s like…” Rosa attempted an answer but faced the same problem as May. -“
You know when…” Sara began her explanation then they all looked at each
other puzzled. Then they all shrugged. “ I guess it’s different with
everyone.” My sister finally concluded. -*-*-*- “…You
love him, don’t you?” -“ Not at first. But after a while, I
told my self that if it looked like a duck, sounded like a duck, felt like a
duck… it might BE a duck. And when he told me that he loved me, I told him the
same and after three months he proposed.”…” -*-*-*- So
Suzie…. Is it a duck or not? …. I
need that magazine they were reading earlier! “Lord,
help me to be strong On
this road I travel long When
I’m lost & lonely find me My
journey just began And
I’m not the only one So
I wanna know Wanna
know what love is”
After
two hours of extensive search, I found it! The magazine somehow fell behind the
drawer and by now was in a terrible state… the cover was torn but the rest was
intact … okay, lets see what’s the fuss is all about … hmm oh here it is: "Is
He "the One"? 1. How did you two meet? A.
Through friends B.
Through work C.
At a party/bar/club D.
Dating service/personal ad/online E.
Other -“ Oh the first time…” I smiled at the memory and chose (C). okay, next. 2. When you first met him, your intuition told you: A.
"He's the one!" B.
"Run!" C.
"This is worth exploring" D.
Nothing — I didn't think much of it. Oh that’s easy! (B). 3. How long have you been together? A.
Less than a month B.
Less than 6 months C.
Less than 1 year D.
Between 1 and 3 years E.
More than 3 years Hmm… (B). 4. When did "I love you" enter the picture? A.
Immediately B.
After a few weeks C.
After a few months D.
After a year E.
It's still not in the picture (B), again. 5. Who said it first? A.
He did B.
I did C.
Same time D.
Haven't said it yet Definitely, (A). 6. Do your parents like him? A.
They think he's great B.
They like whoever I like C.
They have reservations D.
They absolutely despise him E.
They've never met him Oh my parents? Well it’s thankfully (E). 7. How often do the two of you have sleepovers? A.
We live together B.
Almost every night C.
Occasionally D.
Rarely E.
Never A vision of that night of us under the big tree… “I wonder if that counts.” Oh well better choose (E) again. 8. Can you imagine having children with this man? A.
Gross! B.
Never thought about it C.
Sure, why not? D.
Absolutely — already have their names picked out! E.
We've already got 'em! Children! Me? A mother! Puh-leeeez! (B)! 9. When you think of your man, you visualize: A.
A magnificent sunset B.
A peaceful lake C.
An overcast day D.
A roller-coaster ride E.
A dungeon Justin is certainly (B). However, the following questions were crazy! Some even made me blush with the mere thought. But since I can feel your curiosity, here, read and laugh while imagining how I felt: How often do you have sex?
Does he snore? He's in "the mood," but you "have a
headache." How do you handle it? What is first word that comes to mind when
you hear the word "bed"? Do
you use "when" or "if" when referring to the future?
You and your man are locked in your home all day with no TV, no games, no
books, etc. How do you spend the time? I answered those with the help of my imagination for as you saw, they never happened. After finishing, here is the answer: Is
Your Man "the One"?
Less
"the one"
More "the
one" There's definite potential
here — he just might be "the One"! (Yeah,
right. Tell me something I don’t know, Mr. Know’t All) Maybe
it's too early to tell if this is really "Mr. Wonderful," but it
sounds like you've found someone great. There's no strict definition of love,
but there are some things to think about that might help you to discover if this
relationship is meant to last. Do your best qualities seem to shine when he's
around? Do you find yourself overlooking pet peeves just because he's the guilty
party? Do you feel all warm and fuzzy just thinking about him, even when he's
not there? When you think about your future, is he in the picture? These are
just a few of the good signs. There's no easy recipe for a long-lasting relationship… the bottom line is that they don’t know! Sheesh! Two hours for nothing! -*-*-*- “…Lord,
help me to be strong On
this road I travel long When
I’m lost & lonely find me...” |
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